2 Girls In The Market

17. The Ick List

• Amber Haley • Episode 17

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Amber and Bekah dive into the intriguing concept of getting ‘the ick' in dating—those sudden feelings of repulsion towards a romantic interest. They share personal anecdotes, discuss psychological aspects, and contemplate if the rise of social media and dating apps is influencing the picky nature of modern relationships. Alongside the fun and laughter about their own ICK LISTS, they also touch on traditional values, the cost of being a woman and how unrealistic expectations can affect both dating and their real estate careers. 

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amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

These days.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

ai. They think that's gonna be like this

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

Well,

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

that's gonna be like taking over the world. we love ai. This

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

I love AI.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

be edited with ai. We'll see.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

I also think we should do an entire episode on AI because I have a lot to say that I'm not going to get into now,

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

here for it. Yes. I love

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

Down the road. It's honestly, this is why it would be so good because it's information that I'm truly embarrassed to share.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

I think I may know what it is. Of our private chats,

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

Yeah.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

I, no spoilers.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

Yeah, but

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

to listen to more episodes.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

that's how much I love the pod is that I will be that real and embarrass myself I don't want to gatekeep amazing, life changing life hacks.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

no, not at all.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

This is a fun episode today, and

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

As

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

I don't know why.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

This is the only one that's going to be fun guys. So sorry.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

I'm gonna get a little bit comfy, because this is this is gonna be a fun conversation with my friend Bekah here. If this is your first time listening, welcome to 2 Girls in the Market. I'm Amber Haley living on the big island of Hawaii here.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

And I'm Rebekah Daniels in the Pacific Northwest, specifically Washington state. It's actually sunshiny today. It has been like giving me life

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

Oh

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

do not let my lack of sleeves deceive you though because it is chilly. It's like in the 60s.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

I'm in a totally different climate over here. I am very sweaty.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

Oh, I'm sorry.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

In Hawaii a lot of people don't have a AC. It's not a very common thing. And electricity is very eickspensive here.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

don't have AC in Washington either.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

We must have heat though, right?

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

It would

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

You don't have ac

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

like it, it was quite the culture shock for me when I moved here from Florida and I'm like, why are we in the dark ages? Why don't we have air conditioning? But for most people it's, and for our very temperate weather that we have here, you don't really need it other than like maybe a couple of weeks in the summer. So I have a portable AC unit that I use, but I'm shocked. That in Hawaii of all places that you don't have air conditioning and that it's not common there in the jungle.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

It's not common there's like certain things that when people Who haven't lived in hawaii before are really surprised about. I had a request from somebody moving from a colder climate They were just like I really don't like hardwood floors and tile floors. They really wanted carpet.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

Oh,

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

is not common here. I don't know if carpet is common in a lot of places, I assume in colder climates, maybe, but.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

not in Florida. Like it was very much about having the hard flooring because one, it's hot.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

Yeah,

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

the humidity, nothing's, that carpet will never dry. If you live in a humid climate, hope you like mold because that's what you're going to get. Can we talk about how good my hair looks today?

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

No, it looks so good.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

So I'm like, I must appreciate this moment.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

I was supposed to go get my hair done this week And I wasn't feeling well and I had to cancel and I'm so Disappointed because I'm not gonna have my hair done for at least another month because I will not cheat on my hairdresser again

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

we learned our lesson

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

We learned our lesson cheating's bad. But anyway, so yes, carpets are not that common here not common in florida That makes sense I did show a house to these people that did have some really old carpet and i'll tell you what I we were all immediately So grossed out. It doesn't Go in a house in hawaii. It's not good with the elements and that kind of reminds me Of the topic we're going to talk about today. So have you ever been, have you ever been, this is a good answer. Probably. Have you ever been like super into someone? Like you're really into them. Like maybe you're dating them or maybe you just have a crush on them or whatever. Or you broke up with them, but it's just like sad and you're just super into them.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

Yeah.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

Something happens. And then suddenly, you've got the ick.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

Ah,

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

Do you know what I'm talking about? Do you know that feeling?

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

Yeah. That golden moment. It's preferable like when you've already broken up with them and then something happens to you're like, Oh yeah, I'm released of whatever that crazy attraction was.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

Oh, truly. I pray to get the ick. Almost at this point, the minute I meet somebody, I'm like, I can't wait to feel the ick for you because when this inevitably implodes, I will be less hurt. The sooner I can get the ick truly if I haven't even met you yet, I'm already praying to get the ick about you. As soon as possible.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

Okay. But can we agree that maybe some people have taken the ick too far?

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

Oh, for sure.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

Like

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

sure, the ick can be taken too far.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

Oh, she used a smaller fork than the fork I thought she should use, so I got the ick.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

I think there's a little bit of psychology to it, but for anybody who doesn't really know what we're talking about, I think a lot of people who are in the dating world or people who watch reality TV shows about dating, Have heard of the ick. But if you haven't, getting the ick. Is when you have this sudden, ineicksplicable feeling of being totally turned off by somebody you're dating or interested in. It happens all of a sudden, all at once. And a lot of times it's not really a very good reason. It's not always a red flag. It's maybe more of a beige flag that they have.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

The rose colored lenses come off, you see them for who they actually are, and you don't like it.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

Yeah, so you've eicksperienced it. I've eicksperienced it. I'm gonna assume our listeners have eicksperienced it or know somebody who has and I think

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

you will.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

you will and if you're me, you're just always you're praying for it But it's just that sudden disgust and it's uneickspected. It's like an aversion and it's why I pray for it is because sometimes I get really attached to people, right? And it's really hard for me to break that attachment, even if I know that I'm not supposed to be with them, and even if I don't want to be with them, I have almost like this chemical attachment sometimes to people, but once you get the ick, then it's that's broken, and you're never,

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool returns to his vomit. That's a proverb. And it's one of my favorites cause I relate to it so much. When it

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

Oh my goodness.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

I'm like, it's always better for me to find somebody else. That's usually when the icks start coming in for the past person is I'm like, Oh, my, my attention has now been redirected. And I like have clear eyes again. And I'm No. What did I ever see in this person?

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

I think when you're so infatuated with somebody, it's really easy to have blinders. And then as that kind of wears off, you start to notice the way they chew their food. Or the way they talk about themselves. Or a weird habit that they have that you suddenly can't unsee. And maybe it was cute before, and now it drives you absolutely crazy.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

What has been one of your biggest surprising icks that you had for somebody that you were seeing?

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

Okay, this is like a true one. It's probably not surprising.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

A made up one.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

I told somebody this and they were like, did you make that up?

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

Oh,

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

did you, they thought I just heard it somewhere and I was like, no, this is truly an ick. If men respond poorly to the Barbie movie. It's hard, it would be hard for me, it would be hard to come back from, for me, that's like an immediate ick.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

I agree.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

And some people would think that's silly, but,

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

It's talking about the bigger issue of you are out and out rejecting the Barbie movie, you're like, oh, I'm never going to watch that because it's the Barbie movie. I'm like, that's the wrong response to have to it. I personally would rather be with somebody who's a little bit more open minded especially because of the themes of that movie. I would want to know that you're at least willing to engage in a dialogue about that. So I'm with you. It gives me the ick as well. If you just outright be like that's a dumb movie, but you've never seen it, then

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

Yeah, and I think that I think we've developed this ick factor. I do think there's like a psychological reason, and you touched on it a little bit. It's like when you shift an attraction, The brain shifts to something else. It might just be like a human psychology thing of overthinking or like the subconscious judgments that we all have, or how like small behaviors can like suddenly trigger us like internally, like it triggers something that's really not about them because, it doesn't make somebody a bad person necessarily if they,

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

You're moving from infatuation into reality. And I think that there's a certain level of infatuation that happens at the beginning. And if you're not careful, you can get too caught up in infatuation. And when you're in that state, you glamorize everything. You will overlook all of these different things. And then something will flip that switch over. Depending on what your ideal partner looks like or like what you've made up in your head of who is this person that you're looking for? If the person that you're dating or interested in does not perfectly line up with that, you may idolize this ideal over what this person is. They could be a great person, but they may not be exactly what you're looking for. And so you're no longer willing to overlook those discrepancies.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

It might be like an evolutionary psychology thing, our instinct to be picky about our romantic partner as a way to ensure a good match.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

Here's the thing though, back in the day. So back in like the sixties, people were not as picky about their partners.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

Oh, really?

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

I don't have the stats right now. I wish I did. But I read this recently and they talked about how back in like the sixties, seventies, women were more likely to choose a partner who had all the qualities and values that they were looking for, but they weren't necessarily attracted to, versus now attraction is the most important thing that most people are looking for in a partner. Yeah. it used to be, we're looking at, is this a good match? Versus now we're like, do I want to jump your bones? And it'd be great to have both, honestly, right? Like you want to be attracted to your person. You also want them to be a good match for you. But sometimes I think that we're weighing out attraction factor, maybe too much

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

Yeah.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

I think it needs to be a good blend between the two. I think part of the reason why women are probably more Looking for attraction now is because we are Independent people. We're allowed to have credit cards. We can be self sufficient. We're no longer relying on a man to support us and our families for the rest of our lives. So it's no longer just based off of, is this person a good match? Somebody who's going to be able to financially provide for me for the rest of my life? It's am I attracted to you? But I think we've swung too far in the other direction. Cause looks fade.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

Also, maybe it is partially to do with the fact that we just see so many more people, like with social media and dating apps and the internet. So on top of the fact that women don't Need to get married to be able to

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

Live a life.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

And have access to credit and all of that, you don't need to get married. So we now have the freedom

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

That's

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

to get the ick a little bit more

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

didn't have the luxury of getting the ick and now we do.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

Now we can get the ick it might also be like a defense mechanism

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

Yeah.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

ever had those friends or been that person who Is very picky and everyone's like you're just too picky. You're just you'll find any reason to avoid relationships and commitments. They'll just find a reason.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

One of my girlfriends, was recently telling me about this guy that she'd gone on a couple dates with. She's I really don't think that I want to do a third date with him. And I was like, okay, tell me what's going on here. And I feel like she was valid in, I'm just going to preface this. I don't think he was a good match for her based off of a slew of reasons.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

okay.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

Was she's very well traveled. She has lived abroad for a few years. She's gone to explored the world. This is something that's really important to her. this man, I don't think has ever traveled outside the state of Washington. And that was an ick for her. Cause

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

Yeah.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

he's never gone anywhere. And she really was looking for somebody who's a little bit more cultured, a little more well traveled. And so what I said to her, because I also love to travel and so that's something that I've thought about. I was like, Hey, valid that you want somebody who's able to travel, but sometimes, we meet people who haven't had that opportunity yet. But if they have the desire and, they meet you on these other things, I wouldn't make that the reason that you stop seeing someone. And so I say that for all icks. I think some icks are not necessarily an ick. Like you said, it's a red flag or it's a reason that you truly do not connect with this person. But other icks are super petty. And we maybe need to back up and adjust some of our expectations.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

Do you have any petty icks?

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

I feel like mine are mean, I don't want to expose myself.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

can give you some more of mine.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

I should have thought about some of my icks before, but I don't prepare for these things. Trying to think of some one of my big icks Because I love to laugh so much and I really want to be able to laugh with my person if they have a weird laugh I have a really hard time with it. I went on a date with this guy earlier this year and he was nice, but every time he laughed, it like startled me and it took me out of my laugh moment. I was like, ah,

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

every

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

single time. And I felt so bad, but it like, it disturbed me. And that gave me the ick. It

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

Oh my gosh.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

and

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

hilarious.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

I feel bad. But also it was a weird laugh. I'm not going to demonstrate it because I feel like that would be too mean. But yeah, if somebody has like a weird laugh or a weird smile.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

I get the ick at a very loose handshake. Especially from a man.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

yeah.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

If it's like a noodle,

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

Yeah,

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

That gives me the ick a little bit. If they mansplain. That gives me the ick if they use an Android. I'm not saying these aren't petty.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

I

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

An Android. I

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

don't think the mansplaining is petty. I think that's valid. I feel like the ick is more of like petty things.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

We can get into that. Let's see. I have a lot of them. I feel like when when somebody uses like Apple Maps. I don't know why.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

Amber, I'm really concerned.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

if they wear sandals with socks. Or, sandals on an airplane. That gives me the ick.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

Amber, I wear sandals with socks specifically on airplanes.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

I do too I will do it I'm not gonna walk on and off the plane like that, though. We are in public. I, okay, I I have the ick.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

socks on, I put my Tevas on, I strap them up because they're hiking sandals. And then when I get on the plane, I take my sandals off, but I leave my socks on because it would be gross to have bare feet there, but I need to have, my feet need to be free. On the plane.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

Yeah, planes are just really gross is all I'm saying. It is what it is. If they leave the toilet seat up, that's the ick. If they can't use the right your and you're, Ick. If they get upset easily, that's an ick. If they use a hotmail or Yahoo or at AOL email, that's an ick. If they're gluten-free, that's an ick.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

Can we Let's go back,

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

For a guy. Not for a girl. For a guy. I got caught up on the Yahoo

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

thing. Completely missed the gluten-free thing. But yeah, actually a gluten-free guy is an ick. I'm like,

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

is so funny, too, by the way.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

get your body in order?

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

We talk about it all the time. I bully her for being gluten-free.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

That's what happens though. Bullies bully others.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

Oh, I had

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

go back. If you are a real estate agent, if you are a professional entrepreneur and you are using a Hotmail, Yahoo, or Gmail account, please rethink your life. First coaching tip. I will never be a real estate coach, but let me tell you this. You need to get yourself a

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

no.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

account and create an email address

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

It's not hard.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

not

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

It's so cheap.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

and you will Just not look like an idiot anymore,

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

Absolutely.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

no one's going to take your offer. Seriously. If you're sending it from hotmail.com.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

No. I have a lot more icks, though. Do you wanna hear any more?

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

I Believe you do. Let's hear five more.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

Okay, if they talk about how much money they make, Or like how important they are. An ick. If they can't grow a beard but they still try. That's gonna be an ick. If they don't know how to change a tire, that's an ick. I don't know how to change a tire, by the way. If they use the phrase tummy ache,

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

My tummy hurts. My tum hurts

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

that, that's an ick for me. Honestly, just seeing men's toes out in the wild

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

You

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

is usually an ick. I know, and you see them all the time, but if their toes are, like

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

They need to be

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

not gross.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

Yeah,

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

if, yeah, if they're gross.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

toes are gonna be exposed like please Manage the situation.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

Oh, if they clip their fingernails in front of me, or yank out a nose hair, ick. If they have dirty fingernails, that's an ick. If they don't have a car, that's an ick. If they drink really fruity girly drinks at a bar, if that's your go to order, that's an ick.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

Like to get those tiki drinks with the little umbrella in them.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

I've dated those men. And it's an ick. It's an ick.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

I'm thinking of one specifically right now who we

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

Me too. Wait. The same guy! Wait. It's

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

It's we're back at the beginning again.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

Full circle.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

Welcome to

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

It's all

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

episode

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

one. full circle.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

Oh gosh. Okay.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

If they can't hang like a TV for me. Or if I need something handy and they can't do it. Or if they're like, I don't want to get sweaty. That's an ick. I'm sorry, I have so many icks. They just can't stop coming out of my brain now. Go ahead. Yours.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

All right. So as you were talking about all of these icks, it did trigger memories in my brain that I've, when I've gotten the ick on dates and there was this one guy that I was seeing and he is a business owner who's doing very well for himself. I'll just leave that there. so we went on a couple of coffee dates. The first coffee date I paid for my own coffee. And I was like, okay it's our first meetup. No worries. The second coffee date, he asked me, do you want any coffee? And I was like, oh yes. I was like, wow, he's actually offering this time. And he brought out smallest coffee I have ever seen. It was no lie. I think it was like four ounces of a coffee and he got himself a 12 ounce. And I was like, what is this? Why did he get me

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

Ick!

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

mini coffee? And I just, I was like, is this man cheap? What is going on? Like, why didn't I get a full size coffee when he offered to buy for me? And then he told me that he was a warrior poet. So he was like super masculine, but like in touch with his emotional side. I just couldn't take him seriously after that because he got me the tiniest coffee ever.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

No, he should get you at least the same as what he got, unless you were like, Oh my gosh, caffeine is hard for me. That's being thoughtful. Otherwise, you just look cheap, I'm gonna be honest. And I'm gonna say something controversial that I know I will regret later if he asks me out on a date and doesn't pay for the tab, I get the ick.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

I'm all about traditional values and chivalry, so I would also get the ick.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

I just want to defend that stance a little bit.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

You're like, already know that people are going to come for you.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

Yes, people are going to come for me. I'm going to defend this because, number one, I might feel differently if I asked you out on a date, but that will never happen. You asked me, I'm your guest, you should pay.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

Yeah.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

Number two, the cost of me to just show up as a woman in the world, and the cost, both time and money, For me to show up on a date, I'm still in the red. Even if I, you pick up every tab for every date. The cost to be a girl, I don't think men realize this. It's

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

hair appointment's alone.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

hair, the clothes. Even if you don't do all the things, but if you do all the things, think of it. The nails, the botox people get. The outfits, the time that they've spent. How much of, how many inches of their body they've had to shave. You know how long that takes? Just, I don't know. Literally everything, if you added that all up men would be like, I'm getting a pretty good deal picking up every tab for dinner, because I don't have to do all this. And somebody could argue, Hey, you don't have to do all that. You don't have to do all that, Amber. But you know what? Yes, I do. You wouldn't have asked me out on the date.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

You wanted this. If I didn't show up like this, you would not be happy.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

And you're right. I'm here to empower women and not be stereotypes. You can show up in this world however you want. You don't have to wear a stitch of makeup. You don't have to spend a lot of money on your clothes and your hair. And if you want to do those things, I support you. If you don't, I support you. However, I do not accept the argument that any guy could just say to me you didn't have to do all of those things. Okay. Yeah.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

yeah, but I think you made a good point at the beginning where if you invite somebody else out, you should be treating them

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

Yeah.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

You didn't invite them out. I don't know. I think that's the expectation is if I'm gonna invite you out on a date then I'm going to pay for that date.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

I wonder how many people are going to agree with us on this

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

the smart people will.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

Obviously. Obviously. Okay, I have the million dollar question for you. When you get the ick, you got the ick bad. Whether it's an ick for a reason that I think is maybe pretty valid, like they talk a lot of smack about their ex. Or if it's an ick like, they were a loud mouth breather. Is the ick a deal breaker? And can you come back from the ick or is it a one way street out?

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

No, I think you can't. I think it depends on the person. And it depends on, so I tend to see, I think a lot of people go into things with rose colored lenses. And what I've noticed about myself is that I see everybody's flaws like immediately for the most part. I see all the flaws. I know. I'm so sorry. I see my own as well. That's why we talked about this before the show. Like we are both super perfectionist.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

It's the worst, by the way.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

of our lighting, but we like each other's but not our own.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

When we logged into the podcast studio today, we did a little test run because we're using new stuff. And then I watched it back and I was like, Bekah, your lighting is perfection. And she watched it back and she felt exactly the opposite. It's like such a girl thing.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

So I see a lot of these flaws. I see my icks from the beginning, but I'm like, you know what, I'm going to focus on qualities and I'm focusing on other things. I start to balance out of what can I live with and what can't I live without? That's where. I balanced that out and then I noticed that the things that used to be an ick or like I don't know if I care for that so much as my feelings grow for that person, I don't see them as much anymore.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

so do you think the ick happens more toward the beginning?

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

I think it does. And then I think if it happens further on in the relationship, it's because you're not nurturing the relationship in the right ways. With your husband, this is somebody you have committed your life to. You're in it. You're married. So if you're getting the ick with them, that shouldn't immediately kill your relationship if you've been nurturing it. If you're not nurturing it, then those little things you were willing to overlook before start to come back up and you're like, Oh, I don't actually like you anymore.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

And cause sometimes the icks are like so minor, like the way they tie their shoelaces. If they do like bunny ears instead of the, like the bunny ear. That's actually another ick for me.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

Or the mouth breathing thing. There's also the aspect of, throughout our different phases, like my luteal phase, I'm going to dislike you so much more than I do in every other phase just

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

Yes,

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

grates. Everything

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

We probably get the ick more in certain phases for sure. I think it's really depends on what the ick is tied to. If it's a shoelace thing. Is that really going to affect my life? Probably not. But if it's something like they're they're very self absorbed Or yes, mansplaining just like not very self aware, That,

Like a character

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

trait?

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

that is an ick that I get because it really clashes with my values.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

And I

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

And that is my deal breakers.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

I think that those should be your deal breakers. There are character qualities, the character traits, the values that those things are probably not going to change. As you go through life. And so this is where, going back to that study from the beginning of how women were choosing partners back in the sixties and seventies, it's going off of your qualities. Is this person a good match? And I think that should hold more weight when it comes to our icks and how we're choosing things versus are you tying your shoelaces with bunny ears versus whatever the other method is.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

I think them.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

On a planer? Are you gluten intolerant?

Amber:

I love that. By the way, I will never get over is the greatest thing to come out of this podcast that gluten-free Bekah over here, who like one of her litmus tests for men is like, can you find a gluten-free restaurant for our first date, gets the ick when the man's gluten free, get your body together.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

You have allergens? Oh gosh, you and your poor immune system.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

That is the greatest thing I've ever heard. But honestly, I think a lot of the silly icks we get because we're probably not 100% into that person to begin with,

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

yeah,

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

it's just like a sign that we're on the fence, and we're looking for an out, we're looking for an exit strategy. It's your brain's way of saying hey girl, maybe this one's not for you.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

Let's talk about the king of icks,

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

Ooh, okay. Jerry Seinfeld

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

in Seinfeld, he would always find a reason to break up with the women that he was dating. It could be manhands. It could be like the puffy shirt. There were so many reasons, but like every single woman that he dated, there was some stupid, him and George Castanza, there was always some dumb reason that

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

Yeah.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

up with the people that they were with. And it just, it made no sense.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

And it probably was, like, more about them, wanting to find a reason to not be in a relationship. But I think that's why, if you're going to move past an ick and it's not a deal breaker, and maybe it's one of those more like silly ones that you really need to ask yourself is this really about that person or is it being triggered by something else? In me.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

Am I the problem?

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

Do you really hate their laugh or is it more you hate the way that you feel around them because of something else? Maybe you are like anxious around them or a little bit insecure around them or you're using the ick as an excuse to avoid.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

No, I really did hate his laugh. It was not good.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

This was genuine incompatibility.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

I

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

You gotta be real about it.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

reasons that we were not compatible,

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

Yeah.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

but that one was really, that I think I could have gotten around some of those other ones for a second date if the laugh had not been that bad.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

I think if the person is right, you find a way to zoom out from the ick, and not have it throw everything off and throw a whole potential relationship off because, we all have our own icks too that we give off to people. I think with the right person, if you're in the right place,

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

talking about?

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

we're not gluten-free. Wait.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

No.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

Sometimes you just gotta laugh off the ick.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

Yeah,

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

with the right person, you're gonna be able to. But, I don't know.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

The icks won't matter.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

It won't matter.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

people got the ick about with you guy is going to find some gal who loves his laugh.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

Yeah.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

There is someone out there who's going to appreciate all of your icks, no matter what, because they're not going to see them like that.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

gluten-free thing is still

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

some people will be fine with you being gluten-free.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

Oh, when they use too many emojis. I just think about

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

use no emojis, there like,

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

Yeah. No, I do an emoji, but when it's so many, I'm like, I just know how long that took you to search for all those emojis, and I just think it's like a weird thing to do. And now I'm thinking about you searching for emojis, and now I have the ick. Ohhh.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

A single like paragraph, they have to send every single sentence or two words in separate text messages Amber,

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

Wait, which one gives you the ick when they send it separate instead of one big long one

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

I don't need 10 messages to get one thought across, Amber,

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

Okay, my brain though just like rapid fires. So if you knew what it was like inside my brain, you would understand why my texts are like bam I can't I literally can't help it

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

I'm like, can we not just do an inter sign,

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

This is why we're not dating.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

Thank goodness.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

If they're super into going to the gym and that's all they talk about and they're super into counting their macros. I can't do that. And also if they like flagged down a waitress

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

Oh yeah. Yeah. Being rude to the yeah.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

I'm sorry, we're done with this portion of the podcast talking about our icks. I just can't stop coming. Cause my brain is rapid firing. I'm going to text you all day for the rest of the day. Single line texts, thought by thought, all the rest of the icks that pop into my head.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

welcome to Amber's Ick List. We will not actually cover anything else in this episode. Forget about real estate. We're just going to talk about all the things that Amber finds super annoying and unattractive.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

If they reply to your Instagram stories with only fire emojis and heart eyes. I know I bring that up a lot I don't know why, it just an ick.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

If people didn't already know, honestly, if you haven't already started some sort of drinking game for this. With Amber's common sayings, what are you even doing with your life?

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

Just get away from me on Instagram. Just in general, just kidding. Follow me at AmberHaley. Hawaii. That's Amber H A L E Y dot Hawaii. Just don't send me a fire emoji, okay? Thank you.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

are we wrapping up now? Is this the end?

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

You feel like we've unpacked the ick enough?

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

We did for dating,

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

I mean with real estate, I feel like the ick is pretty straightforward. I do think it's something with some clients that they can't get past. That's when I think of it the most. Like when I bring, working with buyers and I'm bringing them into a space and they're just like, would have loved everything, but that one thing, ick. And sometimes it's a deal breaker and sometimes it's not. And sometimes it's really funny things. Like things that I'm like

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

but wait, we were just in this other house and you said that you loved this and now we're in this house. It has the same exact thing, but you don't like it.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

Yeah, I think it's like a very similar thing. So I think we learned the icks a thing, especially in dating. It is totally normal to experience. You also learned that if I haven't met you yet, I'm already praying to get the ick about you. Can't wait. Love that moment. It feels so freeing.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

Amber,

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

can't wait

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

to be over you.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

I can't wait to be over you before we've even begun. I don't think getting the icks the end of the world though. I really don't. I think it's your brain sometimes trying to protect you. I think other times it's just like silly and funny and you can get over it. I think the key is deciding whether it's like a deal breaker or something that you can realize is just like a passing phase. And I want to know people's icks, so please DM us your ick list, please. And please email us you can email to the pod, 2girlsinthemarket@gmail.com. We should've made it a hotmail.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

Oh gosh, we don't have

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

At AOL.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

It's okay. It's just

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

We don't.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

We don't need to pay 10 a month for one email address.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

I love how we clearly we are the ick list hypocrites of the universe. If you do it, it's an ick to us, but

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

But

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

We do it.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

It's totally fine. What applies to you doesn't apply to me.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

Ah, so send us your epic ick stories, we've all been there. And I love sharing those awkward moments. I think it's really fun to hear other women's icks. Because it really just shows there's somebody for everybody, things that are an ick to another woman are like, such an enticing turn on to me. I'm like, oh, I'm into that. My friend, man buns are on her ick list. I love a man bun.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

Okay. I'm sorry. I did not know where you were going with that. See, I was like, ick listsg are a turn on to you. Is that why you're, I was very confused.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

Oh, you thought I was, yeah. No, we're not,

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

Then I realized, oh no. She's saying what's on other people's minds. It tends to be the things that you like, just clarifying that for everybody else who's confused like me.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

Yeah, so I think we pretty much covered it, unless you have anything else on your ick list that you want to add for the public to know, so that they can, reframe their entire personalities for us.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

Just become the perfect person for me and just read my mind. I think probably like anything that's like chauvinistic or rude towards other people is going to be on my, but that's just being, be a good person.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

just be a good person and don't be gluten intolerant

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

be gluten

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

This has been a fun episode. I love doing a fun one. I cannot wait to hear the feedback from people and until next week everyone take care of yourself. Send us your ick list.

rebekah_2_10-03-2024_171213:

Bye.

amber-haley_2_10-03-2024_141214:

This dating's messy. We're all in this together Bye I couldn't figure out how to end it.

People on this episode

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Amber Haley

Host
Contributor

Rebekah Daniels

Host