14. Market Update

The girls are back! In this fall kickoff episode of 2 Girls in the Market, Amber and Bekah get real about their summer adventures and the parallels between dating and house hunting. They dive into everything from decoding dating app behaviors to crafting the perfect profile—whether it’s for love or real estate. With personal stories and plenty of laughs, they break down key strategies for making strong first impressions and share the highs and lows they've faced in both dating and the housing market. It’s all about empowering women to take charge, whether you're searching for a home or a relationship. Tune in for a fun, relatable episode filled with insights and tips on navigating both love and life!

Let's connect!

@2GirlsintheMarket
@AmberHaley.Hawaii
@HomeswithBekah

Got a story you want to share or a topic you want us to cover? Send us an email at 2girlsinthemarket@gmail.com

Transcript

Episode 14

[00:00:00] 

Amber Haley: Oh,

You. ready for me to start? Oh my gosh. 

Rebekah: you hit record, 

 Everybody, welcome back. We're in season 2.  

Rebekah: season 2.

Amber Haley: Why am I in the back of my head, in my crazy brain? I'm like, What's that song? That's looks like we made it

look how far I cannot sing. We've come

my  

Rebekah: So back. 

Amber Haley: We are back.

So welcome everybody to 2 Girls in the Market. I hope you missed us over the break.

Rebekah: Yeah. 

Rebekah: Living our best hot girl lives. 

Amber Haley: It was what was the summer?

Was it hot girl? No, it's not hot girl summer

Rebekah: Well, it 

was, it was Hot Girl Summer, then it became Brat Summer,

and then now 

I think it's very demure. Fall

Amber Haley: Oh,

demure. I don't feel like I'm very demure. I don't feel like this is a

very demure podcast, but we can try.

Rebekah: [00:01:00] we're very demure, very mindful, very 

considerate. We talk about the issues.

Amber Haley: We do. I don't know really actually what kind of summer I had. I would say I spent my summer just like trying to figure out if getting my house right or finding the right man was harder. I

don't really know, which by the way, trying to find the right man and trying to find the right house can both involve a lot of hidden fees and paperwork that you might not be ready for.

So sometimes I feel like people should just stay renters.

Anyway 

Rebekah: maintenance. I don't want to deal with the fees. 

I don't want to deal with the taxes. 

Amber Haley: Yeah. So I spent, our podcast break, like any, like real estate pro would yeah, just like deep in thought about why I keep getting stuck with fixer uppers. And I think actually I've come to the conclusion that replacing the roof of my surf shack here is probably going to be an easier task for me moving forward than fixing emotional baggage of people

I'm trying to 

date.

It 

Rebekah: usually is because you can actually fix a roof. You can't fix a person. 

Amber Haley:  Okay, Before we get too into it, I just want to say a huge thank you to all of our listeners. You are our people and we are so [00:02:00] appreciative. And If you're new around here, I'm Amber Haley. I'm a real estate agent. I live on the Big Island of Hawaii and I am joined by

Rebekah: Rebekah Daniels. I am also a real estate agent. Shocker, but I am in Washington state, the evergreen state. And I know that you've been trying to figure out what you're gonna do all summer with your love life and your house life. I have been living my best life. Taking a break from everybody. 

Not from everybody, but here's the thing.

Summers in Washington are what we live for here because it 

rains most of the year. So when it's summertime and the sky is blue and it's just gorgeous, the weather is perfect. That's, we are outside. So I have been hiking, I have been camping, I've been exploring, I've been visiting my family that I haven't seen in years, and I have just been really enjoying getting reconnected with nature and just decompressing.

I did do some real estate at the same time,

but yeah, I I made so many plans for [00:03:00] us for the podcast. I was like, I'm going to, I'm going to post so many things. I posted nothing. 

Amber Haley: Story of my life. Just, I have a lot of plans and yeah, it's okay. You

know what? I think you're winning. I think that you had a great summer and at the end of the day, at the end of our lives, like that's what it's all about.

 Your experiences and how you spent your time and all of that.

So I love that for you.

And you know what? We, it's The fact that we had a break from doing all the podcast stuff means that we can like jump in and give it a lot more energy now. So I think

it's good that you didn't focus on that too much and you just focused on living life and hopefully having a lot of experiences that are gonna turn into some like juicy podcast content, maybe.

Rebekah: Oh, probably

Stories shared. We haven't even really spoken that much this summer. We've been disconnected because obviously we only talk when we're on the podcast because we're not real friends.

Amber Haley: It's not true everybody we

are real friends 

Rebekah: We're such good friends, but yeah, our, I think like I said, I've been living offline for most of the summer.

Amber Haley: Okay, so I can't wait. I know. I'm sure all the listeners can't wait to hear what Bekah has been up [00:04:00] to this summer. Now this is 2 Girls in the Market. So on this podcast, we like to share stories, laughs and conversations that empower women in real estate and life. And we've covered a lot of great topics already, and I'm just really excited for all of the new, Ideas we have and getting like feedback from the audience.

I think people can expect like really great things . I think we are going to get better at podcasting and hopefully tell some like great stories. 

Rebekah: I agree. There's still so many things that we can discuss. There's always new things that are coming up in the market, in the industry, in our lives, and also from our listeners and hearing a lot of the feedback has been so encouraging.

And I'm really looking forward to this next season. 

 There's so many people who want to be on the podcast too. 

Amber Haley: Yeah. I don't know, I wonder if we should have guests. We'll see. 

Rebekah: below. 

Amber Haley: let us know, however we decide to produce this podcast, the, at the end of the day, this is a space about empowering women. Like our

podcast is here to empower people and we're going to continue to have those [00:05:00] conversations that lift women up. Whether we're laughing about like wild real estate stories or like wild dating stories or challenges that we've both faced, like in our personal lives or professionally. It's going to be empowering. Our careers and our personal lives and real estate general is really just a metaphor for life, right? It's all

And We've talked about this at length, how much we have both realized that dating and house hunting have a lot of similarities, right?

So that's

What we bonded over and what kind of inspired this podcast.

So we need to catch everybody up on what's been happening in our lives, because let's be honest, it's been anything but boring.

Rebekah: Yeah. And we left on, Hey, we're back on the apps. We're back on the market, back on the house hunt, the man hunt? 

Amber Haley: So if you listen to our season one finale, and if you haven't, you might want to go back and listen to it right now. But we had some interesting conversations about dating and getting back out there. And we both decided to go on Hinge, which if you don't know what Hinge is, [00:06:00] congratulations on your life.

It must be really fulfilled. I'm so happy for you.

Rebekah: So happy for you,

Amber Haley: but hopefully, 

Rebekah: be nice, 

what a blessed, charmed life you live.

Amber Haley: Must be nice. But yeah, we went on Hinge the Dating App. We both made

profiles and let's just say our dating adventures both continued after that episode. And I

Rebekah: Yes. 

Amber Haley: some stories to share.

Rebekah: Yeah. I want to say that one of my favorite parts of doing this experience with you is all the texts that I get from you as you try a new app. You're like, Rebekah, what is this? How do I see my likes? How do I see my matches? Do you have to pay for this? And I always tell you, no, you don't have to pay for these things.

It is so hilarious to me because Amber you look like you're in your twenties, but your ability with technology is like boomer esque. And I say this

Amber Haley: I'm being

Rebekah: with all the kindness of my heart, because I love you.

Amber Haley: I look like I should have Tinder [00:07:00] mastered.

Rebekah: You look like you should know what's happening

and you do not.  

Amber Haley: for your entertainment.

Rebekah: Yes, me too. Yeah. Amber got on Tinder recently ish.

She got on Tinder

she's

Amber Haley: First timer. 

Rebekah: First timer.

Amber Haley: If that wasn't clear first timer on Tinder, like

it's always seemed like a really scary before.

But I'm glad that we're talking about this because today's episode, I think we're talking about all about marketing, like not just our properties, but ourselves.

And that's what you do on a dating app. 

Rebekah: So you're getting on Tinder and, but okay, let's talk about house hunting. We're using apps for the house hunting, 

correct? But you need to know how to navigate the apps. 

 Amber doesn't know how to navigate the apps. They're not very user friendly, I don't know. I don't know what's happening with you, but you're getting on Tinder.

You're messaging me like, do you have to pay for this? Have you done this before? I haven't done Tinder. In years. I 

Amber Haley: but you've done it but not. Okay.

Rebekah: So I can't, I can't really speak to how much it has changed, but let me just let you know, you don't have to pay for it. 

Amber Haley: Yeah. Okay. I did figure that

out. 

Rebekah: It's you. 

It's free. 

Amber Haley: But they really are like trying to get you to pay

Rebekah: Oh yes. So 

what they do and Bumble Bumble does the same thing. Cause you also asked me this when you got on Bumble,

Amber Haley: No, I've

never 

Rebekah: is why. 

Amber Haley: That was somebody else. I've never been on [00:08:00] Bumble.

Rebekah: Oh, you're right. It 

Amber Haley: I, I might've downloaded it cause at some

point I probably, I googled all the dating apps and downloaded them on my phone just for like market research,

but I haven't made profiles or explored or opened them all.

Rebekah: Okay, so 

it was on Hinge where you were like, I can't see who 

likes me 

like, handle one and then I get to the next one. And then on Tinder, you're like, it just shows me that I have all these likes, but I can't see who any of them are.

And that's normal. So if you are also trying to explore the apps for the first time, let me just let you know, you do not have to pay for these things.

They are free. They will tell you, Oh, you have 5,000 matches. Pay now to see them all. It's a lie. They just want your money. 

You just got to swipe through them and it is exhausting.

Amber Haley: I was hoping that

I could only swipe through who was liking me. That's what I wanted to do And also 

Rebekah: can only do that on Hinge

on Tinder and Bumble. 

And so that's where they'll see you get swipe fatigue. Correct. Cause it's gosh, I don't any of these guys. I don't know if it was like when I got on Bumble this time, I'm looking through it.

I'm like, oh gosh, I don't like any, like there were attractive men, [00:09:00] but I am looking for a very 

specific. 

 person. And and I live in the Pacific Northwest and that specific person is very few and far between here. 

So I'm swiping and I'm like, I don't like any of these men. These do not work for me. And I'm just like, I'm getting fatigued by it.

Cause there's like once in a blue moon, I'll find someone that I'm like, yeah, I would swipe right on this person, but on Hinge, and this is why we preferred Hinge 

for this dating experiment. You can see who likes you. And then you just go through those people 

Amber Haley: yeah.

I prefer that it, honestly, it might be a little bit of an ego thing where it's I'm not gonna like you first. I don't know it, it might the only one who's like that. 

Rebekah: Yeah, it's, I will say I sent out maybe three likes, maybe five likes on this round. I usually don't, 

but like yeah, I was the first one. I don't, 

I'm not opposed to 

sending out likes. 

Amber Haley: okay. All right let's get into the nitty gritty of like,

how we [00:10:00] market ourselves and our property. So

first impressions matter, right? Especially because you and I both know we live in a world where you have about what maybe if you're lucky three seconds to capture somebody's attention, even if

 they're looking at real estate listings, it's like that first impression,

that first hook is so important.

Rebekah: Stopping the scroll. So as people are scrolling through their apps, they're scrolling through Zillow, Homes.com, all these different things, you want that first listing picture to be very eye catching so that 

they stop their scroll. And they're like, Oh, let me actually click on this one and see more pictures.

Let me see more information about it. So if you have a crappy first photo up, they're going to swipe away from you. 

Amber Haley: And we've

all for your person. If you have a crappy first photo up, they're going to swipe away from your face.

We've all seen those listings and those profiles. And Bekah so kindly pointed out, I'm A boomer at dating apps and stuff. So to prepare for this, I looked up [00:11:00] some statistics, I found some reputable studies and like dating app data and industry reports, and I

just wanted to bring a little bit more to the table for this conversation today.

I'm going to throw some stuff at us just to set the context for marketing ourselves on dating apps. So here's some stuff that I found that was really interesting about men and women and like dating app behavior. So for

all the boomers out there who might be listening who don't have a lot of context, this is for you. So this I found interesting the gender ratios on dating apps. Apparently men outnumber women on most dating apps. That sounds pretty on point.

Rebekah: I believe it. I think, okay, I'm going to guess. That probably 65 % men and 45 % women.

Amber Haley: Oh, that's pretty good. I don't, so I don't have the stats on all the dating apps, but

on Tinder, for example, it's estimated that 70 to 80% of users are men

and women are only 20 to 30%, which is

Like a huge, now Tinder is [00:12:00] maybe a little bit like more

male 

Rebekah: a 

Amber Haley: more male 

Rebekah: oriented. 

Amber Haley: The skewed ratio can affect like matching dynamics, right?

So men need to swipe more

to get matches compared to women on Tinder.

Rebekah: Okay, so I just looked it up 

because I was so curious on Hinge. So this is as of April 2023, the gender ratio on Hinge was 60.36% male and 39.64% female.

Amber Haley: That makes sense. But still 

mostly men. 

Tinder 

Rebekah: has a really bad wrap, most people who are looking for something real, like they're not just in it to hook up. They're not going to go on Tinder as much, 

Amber Haley: That makes sense. 

Rebekah: I don't know. I think that may be something that more men lean towards versus women

But also, everybody does their own thing these days, so it's not 

Amber Haley: Hard and fast rules on

Rebekah: Yeah. No hard and fast rules.

Amber Haley: Okay.

Rebekah: I tried it out back in the day.

Amber Haley: Ha. I tried it out for the pod.

I'm going to be honest. 

So I think this will come as no surprise to you that men swipe right. So on, on Tinder, that's like a yes. Or they'll, I forget what you do on hinge. You

Rebekah: You have to actually, yeah, so that's one of the things also 

What I like about Hinge [00:13:00] versus Tinder and Bumble, is Tinder and Bumble, you just swipe through, 

and Hinge, you have to actually interact with something on their 

Amber Haley: Ah, yes.

Rebekah: So, it's, 

you can't just swipe around, you have to do some sort of interaction and kind of stop and engage with it if you want to. 

And now a lot of guys just they'll just like the first photo.

Amber Haley: Apparently a study that was done like a few years ago found that men swipe right on about 46 % of profiles. Can you imagine swiping right on 46

Rebekah: I can't, I 

sent out five likes, so 

Amber Haley: No. 

It 

Rebekah: to say, 

Amber Haley: women on 14%, which to be honest, like that sounds high. 14, there is no way I'm swiping right on 14% of the profiles I see. I, so I don't fully trust this stat,

Rebekah: I think 

they maybe have bigger pools than you have .

Amber Haley: That is very true. Okay, so message response rates.

Women receive three times more matches on average than men, but women are 15% more likely to initiate conversations with their matches than men. So despite this, men send more first messages, but are [00:14:00] significantly less likely to receive a response

than women. That makes sense.

Rebekah: Yeah,

but are they counting that as they're sending the message with their initial match or they're sending a message after they've already matched? 

Amber Haley: it's a little bit unclear here.

Women have way more matches. They're more likely with the people they match. But

men overall send more messages. But are more likely to not get a response back. Yeah, it's a little confusing. But I think overall we get it. It makes me feel a little bit bad for the guys on the dating apps, but not, I don't feel too bad, 

Rebekah: I don't feel bad. 

Amber Haley: Okay. So what do you think was the one of the biggest factors for both men and women when it came to what they saw? So what

do they 

Rebekah: biggest factors, 

Amber Haley: rules somebody out.

Rebekah: Oh, that rules somebody out. I would say negativity on their 

Amber Haley: think like a little more basic than that. Quick, if you're quick swiping,

Rebekah: Oh, quick swipe would be bad photos?

Amber Haley: Height Height. 

Rebekah: Height. 

Amber Haley: one of the number one major factors for both men and women.

Rebekah: Oh, cause the guys are like, I don't want someone who's too tall because [00:15:00] then I'll feel emasculated. And the girls are like, I don't want somebody who's too short. Cause then I'll feel too masculine. Yeah.

Amber Haley: Being swiped right increased by 70% if he's over six feet tall.

Rebekah: Yeah. 

Amber Haley: Lot more judgment based on their appearance. And I don't think it's like actually that curious, but I think it really tracks with like societal stereotypes that it doesn't matter as much like a woman's education or job title on dating apps.

That doesn't really affect it as much as it does for a man. So they have a lot more pressure on their height and their job title. And women have just more pressure on their overall appearance, but people aren't weighting so highly what their job is. 

Rebekah: right. 

Because our jobs don't matter according to who was that one? Taylor Swift's boyfriend's coworker, he made some comments

Amber Haley: I

forget his name. It doesn't matter. 

Rebekah: something about women's, Jobs don't matter, but. 

Amber Haley: It does show you that deep societal conditioning that we all have, where women, we tend to be more valued for our ability to produce children [00:16:00] and be fertile and look young and all of that. And men often tend to get, be more valued, whether we want to admit it or not, we've been conditioned to,

Like their status and their job and their achievements and their money. And

apparently their height.

Rebekah: Okay. 

I do have, I made an interesting realization in this whole process that 

kind of goes in line with that, I think, and this may be, some people could see this as embarrassing. I just see it as facts if, all right, anyways, let me get into it. Okay. Back when I first got on Hinge, I 

younger, I was under 30, this is for the first time back in the day, I was under 30, and I did not post about oh, I'm looking for somebody who's a Christian on my profile, I would 

Amber Haley: That's probably a big

one factor for a lot of people. 

Rebekah: yeah.

But I didn't post anything about it on there. And so I would get like 300 likes a day back then [00:17:00] to now in this whole social experiment, I think I got 300 in the first month. And this is with being 35 in the Pacific Northwest, it's very secular here. And I post on there that I'm looking for somebody who is a Christian.

That's 

Amber Haley: Huh. 

Rebekah: my main things. And I thought it was very interesting to see this difference in response amounts based on like when I was younger, a little bit more broad range of interest and also in the South. Even when I did put that I wanted a Christian man on there, it was a little bit more, people were more receptive to it.

I 

got less likes, but it was still a decent amount compared to now, it was so much less. And I thought that was an interesting personal data fact because I did go through and I like screenshot it a lot of things. And I actually reached out to Hinge to get my data because I wanted to 

Amber Haley: Oh, interesting. Yeah. 

I mean that that really goes along with like the concepts of marketing, right? Like [00:18:00] sometimes it's not best to like, just be exposed or be out there even with a real estate listing. Think about it. What's the point of having a million buyers come in and tour your house if they're not qualified buyers?

That's

just wasting everybody's time. So it, I think most real estate agents would rather get, 1 or 2 qualified pre-approved buyers in a house than have a wildly successful open house, where they get 300 people in that none of them were actually qualified. So

Rebekah: Yeah, so it's the quantity versus quality approach. If 

you want to have a ton of matches, if you want to get a ton of buyers or different people, his eyeballs on your listing or on your brand, you could keep it super generic, super open and simple for everybody. But is that going to actually bring you your ideal client or your ideal buyer or your ideal partner?

Probably not.

Maybe eventually, but you're going to have to sit through so many more people to try to find that right person. 

Amber Haley: I think it really depends on what people's relationship goals are, right? So

I do have some stats on that too.

Women, [00:19:00] are more likely to be seeking long term relationships on dating apps, while men are 33% more likely to use dating apps for casual or short term hookups and relationships. Yes. But!

Rebekah: by this. 

Amber Haley: There are conflicting studies on this. So if you're a man and you're listening, shout out, we love our male listeners. But there are some conflicting stats. So some studies show that actually about 52% of men that are out there on the apps are also seeking long term partners So that you know does bust a little bit of the myth that all men are just out there for short term tinder swipes

 And then you mentioned dating at fatigue a little bit, the swiping fatigue about 40% of women report experiencing dating at fatigue after extended use. Men, however, report fatigue, not from all of their extended use of all that, but mainly due to lack of matches or responses, they get fatigued by not getting messages and responses. Across the board on all the dating [00:20:00] apps, men and women are both reporting very high levels of ghosting around 50 to 60% and attribute it to, the nature of dating apps, how impersonal it is.

Rebekah: Yeah, we already talked about ghosting, what all of our views and opinions are on it and, it's okay in some circumstances and not okay in others. I actually got ghosted. I think it was a mutual ghosting though, on this new round of 

dating. 

Amber Haley: I did too. I think, was it okay. So what are you considering? What's your ghosting scenario?

Rebekah: We had gone on a few dates and I liked him. I 

was, He, I liked him as a person and I was trying to figure out if I could see there being like enough of a spark for it to go anywhere. I liked

Him and he had some good values, but I just, I didn't feel 

anything for him yet.

And so as I was also dating other people. I was sparking more and [00:21:00] having better connections with some of these other guys. And my text with him did fall off. It was, I was also busy, but I was just like, I'm a bad texter at times. And so it's, he wasn't really putting a ton of effort into it.

And I also wasn't putting a ton of effort into it. And then we just never texted each other again.

Amber Haley: Oh, that is a go that is a mutual ghosting. Yeah,

I 

Rebekah: he had texted me and then Two days later I texted him back and then he never texted me back. 

Amber Haley: So you guys both just felt the fizzle out energy. 

Rebekah: No hard feelings. 

Yeah. 

Amber Haley: a very common thing. But okay, so let's talk about your profile a little bit.

What do you how do we or how do we market ourselves like we're a prime piece of real estate?

Rebekah: Okay. I think just like with real estate, you need to figure out what is your avatar? What is your ideal client? What's your ideal partner? 

So what does that person look like? What do they like? What do they do and what do you like and what do you do? And how does that overlap [00:22:00] together? 

And so for me, I'm putting out there.

My core values. I'm looking for somebody who shares my faith. 

And that's like a deal breaker for me, for the type of life that I want.

So this just lets them know straight up front, Hey, this is a deal breaker. It's not done in a negative way though. I think that's really important is that. You can put your deal breakers out there, but not doing it in a negative way is super key. Cause nobody wants to read don't go out with me.

If you smoke, if you drink, if you this, if you've that why? I 

don't want to see you whining on your profile. 

That's immediately. No. 

Amber Haley: I love that you just brought that up because I will say when I very first posted my hinge profile

and I sent it to a different friend, not you. I'm sure I sent it to you too, but a different friend for some feedback. The feedback I got right off the bat was, it's pretty negative and it's mostly about your dog.

And I was like, great, fine with it. And then I started to see, like, when I was going through other people's profiles, I'm like, Oh you can see very clearly somebody just hurt you

Rebekah: Yeah. 

Like,

Amber Haley: writing their profile about all the things. And I was like, yeah, I guess I was doing [00:23:00] that.

I slowly eased off and made mine a little bit more positive

and just more what I was looking for rather than having it be like an anger rant at, all the men who have wronged me in my past. But it's funny. You

can 

Rebekah: no. 

Amber Haley: those profiles.

Rebekah: Oh yes. One guy who sent me a match, he said on there, he's what I really want to know is what your relationship is like with your father. And I'm like, that's weird. That's a really weird thing to put on your profile. 

Like I get that you don't want somebody with daddy issues or maybe you do.

I don't know, but that's weird to put on your profile.

Amber Haley: That is really weird. 

Rebekah: So I'm not, no, I'm not saying you can't put weird things on there because I think that every, I think we're all weird in our own ways and we get to find somebody who matches our weird.

So like I do have outdoorsy things on mine. I have a hiking picture. I have a camping picture. I have on there hey, we could do this together.

So I 

think putting your, interest out there that you want to share with another person, so if that's a hobby that you would like to have with someone else. Put [00:24:00] it on there. Putting your humor, if you have humor, or putting what you're serious about, if you're a more serious person. Put that on there.

Whatever your vibe is and the type of vibe that you want somebody else to bring to the table, that should be on your profile. You shouldn't do too many group photos. I like 

A couple 

of things to show that you have friends. Yeah.

Amber Haley: though. I don't know which one you are.

Rebekah: So 

your first photo should be you.

Amber Haley: Just you.

Rebekah: Yeah, and then the next photo, 

or couple of other photos.

You and your dog, but also don't have every picture with your dog. 

 if it is 

Amber Haley: my dog sometimes is my entire personality, and I take that feedback, I hear

that, and it is valid. I still would rather overdo it on my dog, because I'm trying to repel non dog people. But yeah, you definitely want to highlight your best features, right?

Your charming smile.

Just like you would highlight A recently remodeled kitchen. 

Rebekah: They want to see 

that, that nice exterior show a full photo, show that gorgeous [00:25:00] backyard, whatever, you just want to have good photos that really show who you are as a person and the things that you enjoy and the things that you value and it shouldn't all, you don't want to make it too much about you and that sounds weird, but you also want to make it easy for them to have conversation starters.

What they can communicate with you about, or they can ask you about with your interest and also set up a way to ask you out on a date. So one of the prompts I put on mine was something about Oh, the best way to ask me out is by taking me on a picnic on a sunny day. Cause that's something I like to do.

I like to go on picnics. 

It's fun. It's different versus just took me out for coffee or I don't know. What I see so often is the best way to ask me out is to just ask,

. how 

Rebekah: Do you know how many profiles I see with that? It's lazy. No,

Amber Haley: There was like one answer that I saw over and over again on Hinge and tell me if this is just a Hawaii thing, but I forget what the prompt was, but their answer was pineapples on pizza or something. It was like

Rebekah: let's argue about this or let's debate this [00:26:00] topic. 

Pineapple doesn't go on pizza or Pineapple does go on pizza. 

Amber Haley: It's like we need, let's be more original. So if you have pineapple on pizza in any context on your dating profile, I'm going to suggest you take it off. Oh, this would be a great episode for men to listen to because I feel like we could really probably start like a male date, dating coach slash profile auditing business

Rebekah: I've thought about doing it. I actually was chatting with this gal in Australia, who I'm friends with, this was years ago. And we were talking about this issue with men and dating apps and also how they just don't know how to talk to women properly.

They just say really weird things. And we're like, we could start a whole like consulting business.

We never did it, but I still, we have it trademarked in our brains and 

Amber Haley: It's It's like a different way of thinking, men and women have and something that we've joked about is, when guys send reels, if you send your friends reels on like Instagram or Tick Tock content or whatever, men send you stuff that they think is funny.

And so a lot of times

as women, when we received that, we're like that's a head scratcher. And then our female friends send us stuff [00:27:00] that we know they will think I will appreciate and think is

funny and understand. A lot of it's probably just like different ways of thinking.

And some people could certainly use some coaching. I could use some coaching too. If anyone wants to coach me on this stuff, like I'm here for it.

Rebekah: it's what I do on a weekly basis, Amber.

Amber Haley: Yes, thank goodness for all of my friends doing the Lord's work and saving me a lot of money in therapy. Although I do spend a lot of money on therapy too. Anyway.

Rebekah: I actually have audited some of my friends profiles for them and I'll go through and I helped 

them build their profiles, 

men and women, and it's been fun. So it's, I think it's a good way to,

 we're going to scratch that a little bit because I have no idea what I'm trying to say. I got distracted by my phone.

It's just, it's something I enjoy doing. 

Amber Haley: Admittedly, when I was like a little negative or a little too much with my dog, I intentionally wanted to repel people, part of that is because we all know You know, if you've listened to like probably one single episode of this podcast, or if you know me in real life that I have pretty bad dating and relationship anxiety. So I'm just like always trying to repel people, but it's also because I just don't want to [00:28:00] waste too much time either. It's, it, I connect my, I connected my Instagram because my Instagram is weird and quirky and I'd rather you just know that about me now that I do weird stuff on the internet.

Let's get that out in the open. Now, I put a little bit of what way I skewed politically. I, it didn't seem to, I seem to get all kinds of responses, but I'd rather just get that out so it's not a surprise later. It's also really important to me to look like my photo.

So I'm not going to do filters and stuff like

that. Cause I don't appreciate when people have 10 year old photos or have totally filtered and you show up and you're like, who's this?

And and then I also want to leave like a little bit of mystery. I don't want to say everything about myself. I want them to be intrigued and want to know more .

So that was my strategy with the profile, but

Rebekah: Okay.

Amber Haley: No, did so on during our hinge experiment,

You went on, I'm going to say undeniably like more dates than me and probably matched with more people than me. And I'm sure you have some fun stories. Was anybody totally different than their profile? Was anybody just so spot on. Did anybody [00:29:00] surprise you? Did anybody stand you up? Did anybody you realize you went on a date with them 3 years ago? 

Rebekah: Okay. Yeah, I have something from all of that. No so there's, funny enough, there was this one guy who, I We had matched in the past, here in Washington on one of my other hinge attempts and the conversation just never really went anywhere. So we never met up and he sent me a match again.

He's Hey, didn't we match 2 years ago? And we just never went on a date. I was like, I guess I'll match with him again and just see if maybe it'll go better this time. So I match with him again and we end up setting up a date pretty quickly because I'm like, I'm not really trying to do all the small talk for weeks and weeks.

And then when we were confirming our date for the next day, I texted him again and I was like, Hey. I'm not, sorry to make this an [00:30:00] awkward question. I was like, I just, I didn't see anything about God in your profile. And I just wanted to see like where you stand . He's Oh, don't worry. I saw your profile.

And I was like, okay, cool. And that was fine.

So we ended up meeting for the date. And he was nice enough, but he had catfished me on the religion side of things. Cause he was like a completely different religion. And I was like why did we go through this whole rigmarole when you knew that this was something that was like a deal breaker? 

Amber Haley: That's the pitfalls of dating apps. And

also, I think whether on dating apps or not , I'm realizing the more experience I get with dating is that sometimes we say things because maybe it feels good in the moment. Maybe He didn't really realize, like, how serious you were about it, or he just didn't care. I just think that's going to be something that you run into besides just

maybe real full on catfishing is stuff like that. Oh, you really meant that? Oh, I thought you just, and some people, they just want somebody who maybe [00:31:00] is part of some religion or spiritual, and they don't really realize how big of a deal

breaker that is for you.

Rebekah: Which I definitely see that on a lot of profiles up here. A lot of people are spiritual and that means different things for different people. Now I do have another one that is maybe less of an esoteric catfish, more of an actual catfish 

Amber Haley: Oh. 

Rebekah: This is from when I did Bumble the first time around. And so I've been on the apps for a few years in case we haven't already realized this, I've been in the dating scene for a while and I've learned a lot through my experiences and that's why this time around I've taken a much more. Surgical and tactical approach to things

is because of everything that I've experienced up to this point.

I'm like, we're not playing any games this time. I think we know that I have a type that I'm attracted to. 

You've called me out for this in the past. Abs. I like abs. Abs and Jesus.

Why can't we have both? 

So this man, he had [00:32:00] abs in his photo and I was like, he's cute.

Like we match. We were chatting and he, I was like, Hey, I'm going to be out with friends tonight. Cause yeah, this is before I'm 30. So I still was in the club at times going out with my friends in Orlando. And I was like, do you want to meet me out after work? So he's sure. I will come meet you out.

This man, I think his photos were from like five years prior to this. 

Amber Haley: Huh.

Rebekah: did not look the same

 And I was like, Oh no.

Amber Haley: you need a

recent photo. 

Rebekah: we need a 

recent photos. 

You 

Amber Haley: can have some nostalgia ones if it's very clear, but I also very intentionally took a photo of myself that week

and put it on. Because I feel like my appearance changes within the course of a year. 

Rebekah: it does. Your photos should be within the last six months, a year max.

Amber Haley: Yeah. Or at least the majority of them.

Rebekah: I don't think you should have anything on there over a year old, unless you just truly have not changed at all.

Amber Haley: More recent is definitely better. This is also

Real estate agents? talking to myself, 

Rebekah: agents? Yeah. 

Amber Haley: I need to update my photos. We are notorious [00:33:00] about not updating our photos.

Rebekah: So I met this man and I was not attracted to him in person.

And also the personality was not there to overcome things. 

He just stood around and didn't talk to anybody.

So we were like, we're going to this other spot. We'll meet you there. And then we did not meet him there.

Amber Haley: Oh.

Rebekah: I feel it wasn't my proudest moment.

I've learned. I wasn't very nice 

Amber Haley: No, but you know what?

You have you have taught me so many times, like clarity is kindness. Cause

I struggle with telling people I'm not interested in them. That's why I'm like, I'm just like, please don't ask me out all

the time. Cause I have such a hard time with that uncomfortable situation, but you're always like clarity is kindness.

So you have grown and learned from that.

Rebekah: This was like 10 years ago.

So I would hope 

Amber Haley: I just think that's just a normal lack of maturity that a lot of people show and, I'm sure this man is probably okay today. He

might still be thinking about it. I don't know.

Rebekah: I doubt he even remembers me. I don't even remember his name.

If I saw him on the side of the street, I'd be like, do I know him? I don't know. [00:34:00] 

But yeah, let's talk about, okay. Outdated photos 

on 

listings. No, don't 

use the old listing agents photos when you're relisting it. Real estate agents. You should have new head shots every single year, unless you have not changed at all. 

I can't get by with that. My hair changes from month to month. So I need to have, more up to date things 

since my style is ever changing in some ways and to your point of what you said about unless it's something that you're super passionate about for your dating profile, if it's more than a year old, are you actually super passionate about it? 

Amber Haley: I'm just in it, in the last 2 years, are you super passionate about it?

Some people maybe just don't have a lot of photo, like maybe they love their boat.

Rebekah: You go take other photos. 

Amber Haley: on the boat, but they're just not a big photo person, so they have a photo of them on their boat from 2 years ago. I'll accept that if you still look like that, but yes, you do, yes. 

Rebekah: to still look like that. 

Amber Haley: Yeah. Yeah.

Rebekah: I'm not going to post photos of me from when I was 30. I still look relatively the same, but also I [00:35:00] don't. So I look like the same person, but I don't look exactly the same.

Amber Haley: Another thing we see a lot of the same answers so I think if you can infuse it with more personality. You don't have to give your life story, but just like more personality than just the same answer generic answer that we see over and over again, and I'm also really put off by people who are like. overtly sexual on dating apps.

Like I know that it's a place for a lot of different types of people looking for a lot of different types of things,

Rebekah: But there's also 

a lot of other apps that are specifically for 

that, so 

if that's what you're looking 

for, go there. 

Amber Haley: Or I just see I don't know if you see this, but like their first picture is them like holding up the middle finger or like just doing something really unattractive.

And I'm just what are you even doing here? 

I don't know. I don't always take dating app seriously either, but

Rebekah: 45 Holding up the middle finger in all of your photos, please grow up.

Amber Haley: or to be honest, and I'm always still like evolving and wondering what I'm looking for too. But if you're on a dating app where you're like, still trying to figure it out,

What is you doing? On this app, figure it out. Figure it out. You're still trying to figure it out? I know we're all still trying to figure it out, but [00:36:00] figure it out a little bit more than that.

Rebekah: okay. Do you mean figure out your life 

Amber Haley: On

Rebekah: Oh, oh, still figuring out 

Amber Haley: short term, long term, life partner, monogamy, polyamory whatever. And then there's just figuring it out.

And I kinda get it, but 

Rebekah: We 

kind of 

Amber Haley: to be a no for me.

Rebekah: Yeah. 

Amber Haley: And

I don't want you to lie to me.

All

the men do that say they're looking for a life partner when really they are just trying to figure it out. No, they're not trying to figure it out. They know it's figured out. They're not looking for a life partner at this time.

Rebekah: But they don't want to say that because 

Is kindness. They don't care. They just want to use you for the moment. 

They can get you. 

Amber Haley: Yes. I don't want to be told what I want to hear just so that you will get my time, but I also want you to have it figured out and tell me honestly.

Rebekah: Because there are so many other people out there who have the same mindset. If you were just in it for short term flings, that's fine. Find somebody who's also in it for a short term fling. 

Not somebody who's looking for their life partner.

Do not waste people's time.

Amber Haley: And I think you can be looking for your life partner and then meet somebody who's more of a fit for short term. But I think if you start dating them, that's something that [00:37:00] can very much be communicated and brought up in a way that is respectful to everybody.

Rebekah: Yes. 

Amber Haley: So it's not like you have to have it all figured out, but guys, girls, everyone,

Rebekah: Yeah, I mean, I, I, If I put on my profile, I'm looking for my life partner and you are looking for a short term fling, 

primarily, don't match with me.

Do not waste Doesn't mean that every single person that you go out with is going to have long term potential, 

You need to be clear about the expectations and goals at the beginning.

Amber Haley: I think so too.

Rebekah: So 

it's not hey, we go on a date and I'm like obviously I'm expecting a ring at this point because I said on my profile, I'm looking for a life partner and you matched with me. So 

That's not what I'm talking about, it's once you realize that this is not somebody that you see that with that person, don't hold onto them just because you want a time filler.

Amber Haley: Oh, it's so true. We've also seen some like really like funny things. Like I think between the 2 of us, we could make slash we should nobody steal this idea, trademarking it [00:38:00] today. We need to make a coffee table book of the messages we've received of some of the like profile stuff that we've seen because it is entertaining.

If you haven't been on a dating app, don't do it. If you're not actually like trying to date certainly don't cash catfish people or play them. But I will say I understand why people when they're sitting home alone on a Friday night bored, and they need a hit of dopamine download a dating app for entertainment.

I do get it because it is pretty entertaining. And we've had I think we've had a lot of fun. We had fun with our experiment, right? I would say

mostly 

Rebekah: did.

Amber Haley: Recent archives. 

Rebekah:  Is from a recent person.

Can we talk about how. Spell checking and 

punctuation, these are also such important things.

I had one throwaway prompt on my hinge where I was like, ah, I'm going to go low effort on this because all the men go low effort.

And so one of my prompts was one of my simple pleasures in life is Beats Bears Battlestar Galactica.

Well known office quote. If you have been on Hinge, you've seen 80% of men have this on their profile as well. [00:39:00] So it brought me joy to put that on there. And let me tell you, it got a lot of responses because sometimes, you just got to know who your audience is. And sometimes men are simple creatures.

Amber Haley: Yes,

Rebekah: That's okay. So this one guy who would be physically my type. He laughed at it and he's I have the same on my profile. So I went and I looked at it, and indeed

Amber Haley: he did have the

Rebekah: he does. It's a random fact I love is Beats comma, no space Bears comma, no space, Battlestar Galactic Tika because he doesn't know how to spell Galactica. 

Amber Haley: Oh,

Rebekah: we, We got a few extra tick tikas in there. And then Jim from this profile, his most irrational fear, the plane M flying in the crash, period, would be quite lame. The plane M flying in the crash.

 You gotta really like, you could ask a friend to proofread

Rebekah: It would help [00:40:00] so much. 

Amber Haley: Because

that's like an automatic no. Also not having pictures. There's so many like automatic no's that it's what are you even doing here? I see why, men in general don't get as many matches and if I was a man, I would spend a lot of time on my profile because you want to stand out amongst all of these other men that statistically are in much higher proportions on these apps.

Check your spelling.

Rebekah: Check your spelling. Don't send a generic pickup line 

as your opener. Wow, is your Wi Fi turned on because I'm sensing a connection. Winky face. 

You just copy and pasted that to everyone. 

Amber Haley: Also, along with I don't like when the I do like when they message me. Honestly, if you don't message me you're not gonna hear from me if you don't message me

Rebekah: Mm, mm hmm. 

Amber Haley: If you can't put in the effort of sending me a message I'm just not that into you. But if you message me something that's very superficial your hot heart eyes fire emoji, it's gonna be a no for me. 

Rebekah: You already get that in your Instagram DMs. Like, why would you want that on a dating app? 

Amber Haley: also I just assume, because I know men are very I'm not trying to say superficial, but I'm going to [00:41:00] assume that you find me attractive if you're sending me a message.

Although apparently they just swipe yes on everybody. So maybe not, but I'm going to assume that you do. Let's go for something that shows like a little more depth or personality or makes me want to respond to

you rather than just get the ick, immediate ick,

Rebekah: Yeah. You want something that is

Amber Haley: tell me

something. I don't know.

I'm just kidding. 

Rebekah: Though, as far as not being generic. 

I've seen that a lot. Honey,

stop the car. 

This one won't last. Has been listed for 60 days.

Amber Haley: My little

Rebekah: the listing remarks.

If you're going to do that. 

Amber Haley: This one won't last. Yes, I do see that one a lot. That's a mistake. Yeah, you gotta update that.

I think a good tip if you're like looking for unique things put in your listing thing is to really ask the seller like why they bought the house and what they think is

unique about it.

Because that's probably what the next seller will think, too. And you could use that same tip for dating profiles.

I don't know that you want to go and ask everyone that you've matched with why they did, but actually maybe you do.

Rebekah: You could, 

 or.  

Amber Haley: from your friends,

Rebekah: I think you should before you go live with your profile and be like, Hey, what do you guys think about this? Also you don't have to, I don't think, I [00:42:00] don't know that I passed mine by anybody this time around,

but that's just cause I've done it so many times.

Amber Haley: She's a professional.

Rebekah: I feel like an expert at this point. I'm like, it's fine. But no, I think it's good to get a second opinion, make sure that your typos are there. I actually did have a typo in one prompt the Battlestar Black Galactica, and one guy thought it would be a super great idea to correct me on that.

Amber Haley: yeah. Okay.

Rebekah: That's also not the way to get a match.

Rebekah: Sending a correction. 

Amber Haley: mansplain.

Rebekah: Yeah. 

Amber Haley: It's not. It's really not.

So you were like, no thanks on that one.

Rebekah: Another guy who I found very annoying cause I have a video of me claiming our mountain Mount Rainier.

And then his next message was like worse.

And so I was like, I'm out.

I'm done with this. 

Amber Haley: It's tough. But

I got to say, I empathize a little bit with these men because it is hard to keep up with women like

us and

the banter 

Rebekah: yeah, 

Amber Haley: of banter. 

Rebekah: You can't go and say the mother of water's mountain identifies as a male.

Amber Haley: That really backfired for about things. 

He shot and he missed.

Rebekah: but I told him that and he [00:43:00] doubled down.

Amber Haley: Oh no, you just don't double down.

Don't double

down on it.

That's pretty funny. Whether you're hunting for love or property, the lessons are real, but we all deserve nothing, but the best we deserve finding our dream house, finding our dream partner.

Hopefully you can take some of these. Tips and these misfires, maybe take them all with a little bit of a grain of salt, but 

Rebekah: Also live your life however you want. If you are a person that corrects people all the time, Then correct everybody that you want to match with. Show them what they're getting 

on the front end. 

Amber Haley: Be authentic, be 

Rebekah: authentic. 

Real self. 

Amber Haley: It's fun to joke about. It's fun to compare this to our jobs and like joke about like fixer uppers and listings that are too good to be true because clearly they've been very digitally altered, but there is like a deeper lesson here. and

We're all about a deeper lesson on this podcast. It, like I said, we're about empowering. So especially for us women, I think whether we're talking about relationships or real estate or careers, whatever. It's all about us being able to take control and really know our worth and not settle for [00:44:00] less than we deserve.

So through all these silly situations, that's what it's about, not compromising and knowing knowing how to navigate it. And I think that's something that, sometimes, especially women, like we can struggle with.

Rebekah: it's easy to get discouraged by the options, it's easy to get discouraged by the market, whether it's the real estate market or the dating market. I know this has been a super hard year for a lot of people and a lot of agents have left the market because of it and have left the industry and other people have been thinking about leaving the industry because it's hard.

And a lot of people, they quit the dating apps and they quit dating and they're just like, I'm over it. So it's not for the faint of heart. We do like to make light of a lot of these situations because I love to battle pain with humor. And, it's, it is a good way to find some empowerment and some encouragement throughout these situations, 

no matter where you are [00:45:00] in the market on the spectrum.

So yes, we make light, we poke fun at ourselves and at other people, mostly at ourselves, I think.

Amber Haley: Mostly, there's so much, we

Rebekah: Okay. 

Amber Haley: material, but at the end of the day, I just really hope the takeaway for people when we do these kind of experiments

is just really understanding and for myself, the takeaway

for myself is like that. we're worthy of respect and 

I think that can be hard to realize in modern times in the modern world with things like dating apps and all of

this that have really taken the humanity out of 

Rebekah: of

peopling. 

Amber Haley: Yeah, even a lot of technology has taken a lot of the humanity out of real estate, if we want to compare it to our jobs, but

we are worthy of respect. We are

worthy of the best opportunities. We're worthy of a relationship that we want or a career that we want, and that fulfills us. And I

really hope that people, when they hear me talk about some of these stories that [00:46:00] we can like laugh at, these missteps and different lessons learned , I want people to never be afraid to walk away from any situation or relationship, or if somebody is making you uncomfortable on a dating app or anything like that, but never be afraid to walk away, even at a client or

Anything that undervalues you

because you deserve better.

That's like the bigger thing that I want to pass on to people. I enjoyed this experiment. I was also traumatized by it. But I think

I have no, I think I've gotten better at dating and like better at knowing my value by challenging myself in this way that was like otherwise uncomfortable.

So I'm really glad. I'm really glad that we did it. And 

Rebekah: I'm glad. 

Amber Haley: Yeah, the experiment continues. And speaking of continuing,

let's talk maybe a little bit about, what's coming up, what can people expect from us this?

Rebekah: We have so many topics as I scroll through our notes app. I'll share more little anecdotes and I'm sure you will share more of different experiences from our lives.

We're going to. And just talking about the impact of being a woman 

in real estate, [00:47:00] a woman in this world, there's a lot that's happening. There's a lot that's been happening over the last couple of years, a lot of changes, and I think it's important for us to talk about those things.

As we've said from the very beginning, the goal of this is so that people know that they are not alone in these experiences and these situations. That's what the goal is from all of these conversations is to let you know, like you're not alone in your experience.

 You can get through it, whatever it may be. And we're also here to get through it together. 

Amber Haley: I'm

excited to talk about some of these, like critical issues that are affecting women. We're here to hopefully tell you fun stories, entertain you, laugh with you, talk about some things might not have thought about before, but ultimately help you feel less alone in the world.

Rebekah: And for all of our male listeners, we will probably talk more about our periods.

Amber Haley: Yeah always talking

about what phase we're in. I'm in the menstrual

phase right now. I'm sure you,

Rebekah: Oh, I'm luteal. So 

it's 

been 

Amber Haley: an ideal day

for us to be recording. But you would never know that because we're so professional. You don't miss another episode regardless of what [00:48:00] phase you're in or we're in.

Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast and if you want you can follow us on Instagram @2GirlsintheMarket 

and that's the number 2 Girls in the Market. You could also follow myself @ 

Rebekah: Or @HomeswithBekah and that's B E K A H 

Amber Haley: I want to get more feedback from you guys

on what you want to hear and what you want to talk about. So a great way to get in touch with us is on Instagram. You can DM the podcast, you can also send an email to 2 Girls in the Market.

Number 2, again, at gmail.com and let us know what questions you have, what stories you want to share, what resonated with you. And we're going to hopefully use some of those listeners stories and requests and anecdotes. In upcoming episodes. Anything else to add there?

Rebekah: That's it for now. 

Can't wait for the rest of the 

Amber Haley: All right. Whether you're navigating a new deal, new relationship, new dating app like Tinder, which by the way you don't have to pay for, or just a new chapter of your life, whatever's going on, know that you've got this.

We're all just girls in the market. We're going to have these conversations to remind you of that. And you guys deserve the best.

Rebekah: [00:49:00] Till next time.

Amber Haley: Love you guys. Bye. Yay.

Rebekah: We did it.